I went shopping!

Tonight I went to a Sephora Beauty Insider event and I swear at some point Sephora was a respectable store, but now it's, ugh, a different beast all together. Now they sell crap like this:


I'm sure those go on clear so why make them look like a melted icee and the ooze that mutated the turtles into Teenage Ninjas? I am old and I don't understand!

And while I might be too old to understand the appeal of those lip glosses, I am not too old to think this sample is actually sperm:

Very Precious Fluid = Sperm.

I'm sorry, but if you buy this crap I have the right to steal your wallet because you can not be trusted with it:


The thing that really pushed me over the edge was this:

I thought "How odd, a rubber duck" and then I picked it up.

You guys, Sephora sells vibrators! I Rub My Duckie vibrators! Even the salesgirl we were harassing about it couldn't explain what the hell is up with this. I just can't imagine that anyone in need of a vibrator will be looking for one at Sephora.

I miss old Sephora where the most scandalous products were the glitter eyeliners, not jewel stickers that could only be meant to bedazzle your vagina: