The end is nigh! My due date is Sunday! Start boiling some water and ripping sheets because I plan on birthing a baby soon! Someone bring me a leather strap to bite down on! (For the record I am going to attempt a natural birth. It's okay to laugh at me, I know it's insane. But I also know that the drugs! They will be right there! Stick them in my spine now! Either way, natural or drugged out of my freaking mind, as long as the kid takes his leave of me I'll be happy.)
Jparks and I went to the OB yesterday and it seems there are lots of things going on with this pregnancy and none of them have anything to do with my body being ready to shoot this kid out. My cervix is still shut up tight yet my blood pressure just keeps right on rising. I had some blood work run and while we wait for the results I'm on bed rest. Doesn't bed rest sound like the best thing ever? In theory I suppose it is, in real life, not so much. Now that I'm stuck on the couch I see that there is so much to do, like the dishes. Who knew you could actually want to do the dishes? Or the ironing. The wrinkled clothes are calling my name.
The bed rest is to help keep my blood pressure low and ward off preeclampsia. Should my blood work come back positive for signs of preeclampsia then I'll be facing an induction on Friday. If it comes back normal and the bed rest does its job, then I can probably escape the induction. Don't get me wrong, I really want this kid out but I would ideally like to avoid an induction since that raises my risk of having a c-section. I've watched a midget get a c-section on the Discovery Channel and it was not pretty. I would like to avoid having my intestines removed from my torso and then shoved back in if possible.
So that's the latest news on the condition of me and my uterus. I wish there was more to tell but my stubborn cervix hasn't received the memo from the rest of my body that this kid needs to get out. OUTOUTOUT. I swear if I have to unhook a foot from a rib one more time I might just lose my shit. And it won't be the kid that suffers my wrath, it'll be jparks because this is all his fault.
I think it's AWESOME that you are attempting natural birth! I'll beat the crap out of anyone who calls you insane!!!
ReplyDeleteGo natural. Then you can bitch out everyone around you and use every word in the book and blame it on the fact you are giving birth. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous. I have 2.5 more months to go and my ribs & back already hurt. One of my best girlfriends was on bedrest for 20 weeks because of blood pressure. She got her tubes tied quickly after that!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your delivery. I wish you a speedy natural delivery, and I can't wait to see your new little man.
Oh no Regan. Bedrest sucks beyond anything in the world. I hope your cervix gets the memo! I've heard that both stress and hard drugs (crack, heroin) can cause your cervix to soften. I suggest just calling family as opposed to starting an addiction. And I think no matter what you will do great during labor and delivery. As hard as it may sound just relax into the contractions. Weird but it keeps labor moving along. Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWell, shit. I haven't even knit Baby Parks anything yet. I suppose I should get on that.
ReplyDeleteYAY Baby! I'll help Sara out in kicking anyone's ass who gives you grief over attempting a natrual birth. (or anyone that suggests c-sections are better)
ReplyDeleteTrixie's very excited for a new playmate, she's very interested in babies right now.
Oh Regan! I am so excited that your day is near! I will keep you in mind for the week and hope that the baby starts a moving! I agree with your two other friends - natural birth does NOT make you crazy. I am going to make my attempt at it too!! So far, I have been the brunt of every joke and quite frankly, I believe people should back off a pregnant woman who just happens to be melting everytime she walks out her front door! Good luck! Keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteGood luck for a healthy and drama-free birth experience! We'll be sending positive and happy and cervix-opening-memo thoughts your way. Sorry to hear about the bed-rest but happy to hear that baby parks is doing well and will join us soon.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of getting beat up by Deadra and Sara, just remember that no one will give you shit if you do take the drugs. (Do people attempt to get a tooth pulled without anesthesia, so they can have a more pure tooth-pulling experience? I don't think so.)
ReplyDeleteI can tell you from experience being induced isn't that bad, but it does require drugs. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a c-section, either. And I have to think that getting a c-section is better than having my hoo-hah all torn to bits, but I'm lucky and haven't had to go through either.
Has jparks begun the perineal massage yet? It's not too late...
Sorry to hear you're on bedrest - hope the bloodwork comes back normal! Those last few days are the worst, but at most it will only be a couple more weeks (as I write that I realize how un-consoling 'maybe two more weeks' sounds. Ha! Well, tough, that's the truth)...Hope all goes well and can't wait to see pictures of the little guy!
ReplyDeleteYeahhhh, babytime! Except your cervix is all, "What? Baby? WHERE?"
ReplyDeleteAlso, the most important thing I've gotten out of this post is this: never, ever, ever, never, ever watch a C-section because ewwwww.
Good luck!
PS - If you get bored during your mandatory bedrest, you could always make these for the baby: http://craftastrophe.net/2009/08/hey-baby-shoes/
ReplyDeleteYa know, I thought I knew you, but this natural birth thing has me thinking otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you're having a baby! And SOON! I need to like buy it a present and everything! Because every baby needs things that say "shut your meat face"!
ReplyDeleteI'm a few days late here but the end is near! Have you written up the eviction notice for BabyParks yet? You can post it in a few short hours and then go horseback riding, do jumping jacks and eat spicy food.
ReplyDelete