things I've learned in Maui thus far

Men here love Speedos. Particularly men that are at least 60 years old. And 60 pounds over weight.

The beach doesn't totally suck. Unless you get cocky on your boogie board and stop paying attention to the waves. Then the ocean gives you a sand enema and that does suck.

Just washing your hair once does not get the sand off your scalp. And sand on my scalp itches which makes me scratch at head so much that others look at me like I have lice.

I was worried about wearing a bathing suit. This should not have been a concern as many woman here where bikinis that should not wear bikinis and whenever I feel bad I just look at them. Instantly I feel much better about my tankini.

Maui onions give jparks gas. Horrible gas that makes me force him to sit on the balcony of our hotel room

I thought all that damn sunscreen would keep me from getting burned. I was wrong, nothing shall keep me from getting burned.

Mai tais are not what I thought they were, but are still good excellent. I've had one at almost every meal so far. I say almost because having one with breakfast seems like a bad idea, although I might try it one morning.

aloha!

We are officially off to Maui! For the record I didn't get my legs waxed because the hairs didn't grow fast enough. I hold each one of you personally accountable for this, due to not enough oomph in your grow, hairs, grow chants.

Check back for pictures soon. Pictures of Maui, not of my unwaxed legs. Because pictures of those would just be uncalled for.

wax on

All together now, with oomph: Grow, leg hairs, GROW!

See, we're leaving for Maui on Thursday and I really wanted to get my legs waxed before we left. But stupid me shaved about a week and a half ago and the leg hair isn't really long enough to wax. Normally I don't mind that it's slow growing but right now I want it to grow faster. I'm using all my energy to will it to grow faster. Grow little hairs! GROW!

Jparks and I are starting the packing process (yes, it's a process with us) and I'm working on toiletries, including, but not limited to, sunscreen:


It's a bit excessive, isn't it? I plan on being the one person to go to Hawaii and not get a tan. And to scare everyone else with my blinding legs. My blinding legs with, hopefully, no hair on them.

medical updates, stat!

Last night I got Molly's Prozac prescription refilled, but this time we changed from pills to an easy to administer gel. We squirt it into her ear and then marvel at how much easier that just was then trying to shove a pill down her throat only to have her hairball it back up as soon as we let her go. Yay for transdermal gels!

Today jparks had to take Lily to the vet. We figured if one animal was on Prozac then hell, let's drug'em all! No, I keed. Lily went to the vet because lately she has been scooting across the carpet and I guess that's not normal. Although watching her scoot made me want a roomba so it could follow her scoot trail across the living room. Not that she left a scoot trail. I swear our house is clean.

The vet told jparks that Lily needed her anal glands expressed and taught him how to do it. So now jparks is in charge of expressing the anal glands of all of our animals. He's the Anal Gland Expresser or AGE, if you will. Do you have some anal glands that need expressing? Call jparks, he's the AGE! He offers competitive pricing on all expressing jobs! And with his professional hands, your dog will enjoy the expressing experience! Call now, operators are standing by!

So now Molly's on Prozac, Lily's been expressed, and Tangi is perfectly fine. And I was fine until a second ago when Lily's expressed butt oozed onto me. Time to go change. We can only have one family member at a time with dog butt ooze on them, and jparks currently has this position filled.

i miss cds

Thanks to iTunes jparks has put a ban on buying actual cds. At first I resisted this ban, crying for liner notes I could hold in my hand, the actual case with a song list, cover art with...

Sorry, I'm watching Grey's Anatomy as I type this and dang, that McDreamy is cute. I'm still in season one and he's wearing a preppy girl's wet dream come true: button down under a sweater. Sheesh, I'm swooning.

Anyway, cds. cds. cds.

McDreamy in scrubs. We all know I love scrubs and McDreamy in scrubs just makes them all that much better. How do the women on this show stay focused when filming?

eww, spinal surgery. Nothing brings you back from McDreamyland faster than spinal surgery. That's kinda distracting. How can I focus on hotness when there's blood and such on screen?

I never liked that Katherine "Izzie" Heigl until I started watching Grey's. Now I want to invite her over to make cupcakes. Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. And then we're going to hold down Ellen "Grey" Pompeo and shove those cupcakes down her throat until her scary toothpick arms look slightly normal.

Oh god! Spinal clot! Must cleanse memory by staring at McDreamy. oooh, all better now.

I've never had big surgery before so I'm wondering if they really wheel you in to the OR awake. Me thinks I would not like that.

Man, why did I wait so long to start watching this show? Why didn't someone tell me about the wonder that is McDreamy?

Oh, right, cds. I miss them. Am I the only one?