things I've learned in Maui thus far

Men here love Speedos. Particularly men that are at least 60 years old. And 60 pounds over weight.

The beach doesn't totally suck. Unless you get cocky on your boogie board and stop paying attention to the waves. Then the ocean gives you a sand enema and that does suck.

Just washing your hair once does not get the sand off your scalp. And sand on my scalp itches which makes me scratch at head so much that others look at me like I have lice.

I was worried about wearing a bathing suit. This should not have been a concern as many woman here where bikinis that should not wear bikinis and whenever I feel bad I just look at them. Instantly I feel much better about my tankini.

Maui onions give jparks gas. Horrible gas that makes me force him to sit on the balcony of our hotel room

I thought all that damn sunscreen would keep me from getting burned. I was wrong, nothing shall keep me from getting burned.

Mai tais are not what I thought they were, but are still good excellent. I've had one at almost every meal so far. I say almost because having one with breakfast seems like a bad idea, although I might try it one morning.