celebrating three years of wedded bliss. also, mini doughnuts!

You know how most people like to recap their weekends in blog posts on Monday? Well, I'm bucking the trend and doing it on Tuesday. I'm such a rebel! Who knows what you'll find over here in my corner of the internet!

Friday was jparks and I's wedding anniversary and to celebrate I booked us a room at the InterContinental and bought us tickets to see Spamalot. On a whim we decided to grab dinner before the show at Out The Door and holy crap, was it good. I could easily have their cellophane noodles with crab every night. Spamalot was incredibly funny and the hotel was incredibly nice. I was a tiny bit worried that I would be miserable without my four million pillows, including a full body one, but the fact that I could turn the air con down to 65 degrees, guilt free, really helped.

On the 4th we went and saw Transformers in IMAX and I can't come up with anything to say about that piece of crap movie that isn't already said here. The only good thing about seeing it was the coffee shop in the lobby that sold mini cake doughnuts. I think I might start a petition to get mini doughnuts sold in more places because they are the perfect treat, big on flavor and tastiness, but small on size.

Sunday I had the best intentions of getting up and acting like a normal human, but I was hit with another wave of "Perhaps I should stay near the toilet or maybe this bucket." I'm really loving that morning sickness can pop its head back up late in pregnancy as a bonus treat. Nothing says fun like trying to make a mad dash to the bathroom when getting out of bed takes at least a minute thanks to a large stomach and a bad sense of balance. This is how my whole day looked:


Despite the breakdown on Sunday, yes there were tears because there's only so much feeling like crap that I can take before I hit a wall, the weekend was a great one. Jparks was very proud of himself for making it through three years of marriage without me killing him but I told him the true test will be this next year when I'm sleep deprived and extra cranky. If he survives this year then I think it's safe to say we'll be together for life.

I'm not sleeping enough, keep that in mind while you read

All day today I've been feeling pukey. Pukey complete with dry heaves. Fun, right? I hadn't really had anything to eat and thought that could be the cause of the nausea so I grabbed some oatmeal. Then I chased it with some Chex Mix Chocolate Turtle. I was pretty sure I wouldn't puke up the oatmeal, but I wasn't so certain about the Chex Mix. And really, if i'm going to eat anything that might be a puking threat, I want it to be chocolate because when it comes back up, it is extra gross. I know this because one time I made a friend a chocolate cake, which we ate while drinking our way through a bottle of vodka. Later, while we were puking, (one in the bathroom, the other off the front porch. classy!) we couldn't stop laughing at the fact that our puke was black. Because when you're 21, black puke is hella funny.

Anyway, back to the dry heaves. I'm not sure why I've been feeling so under the weather lately. It could be thanks to a lack of sleep, which has also been plaguing me. I've had no problems going to sleep, but every night for the past two weeks I've woken up between 3:30 and 5am. I'm fully awake, and could probably actually get out of bed and do something useful if it weren't 3:30 in the fucking morning. The first couple of nights that this happened I was able to get back to sleep pretty easily but that has stopped happening. Last night I laid in bed for a good hour, tossing and turning, trying to get back to sleep.

Today I was able to stay in pajamas, alternating between the couch and the bed. If I don't sleep well tonight I can lounge around all day tomorrow until jparks and I attend a dinner at a restaurant run by a cult. But on Monday I have to drag myself to work, where a nap after lunch isn't an option. So this whole not sleeping through the night thing needs to stop. And I bet if it leaves then the dry heaves will go with it. And the stuffiness I've been dealing with for a few days. If I don't start making it through the night then I can't promise that I won't take a mid afternoon nap in our storage office at work. And while the floor in that office is pretty gross, I can turn the lights off without too many people noticing and that trumps grossness. Maybe I should throw a bag with a blanket and pillow in there. Man, I'm pathetic.

I'm going to join AARP tomorrow

One night I walked into my mom's bedroom and woke her up to show her three sores that had just popped up on my stomach. She took one look and said "Those are chicken pox. Go to bed because tomorrow you're going to be miserable." Sure enough the next day I woke up and the sores had spread to the rest of my stomach and chest. Later that day I was almost completely covered. I was 18 at the time and this was 2 days before my high school graduation. Good times!

Today I called my dermatologist that I saw on Monday to let him know that the medicine he had given me was not working and that the pain was becoming unbearable. He asked if I had ever had chicken pox and I said yes. He said "Well, I think it's safe to say that you have shingles." Motherfucking shingles! The doc said he thought it looked like shingles on Monday, but since he had never seen it on someone so young before he thought for sure he was wrong. In case you're not familiar with shingles it is most common in folks over the age of 55.

The moral of these two incidents? I apparently get diseases at ages when most people are not prone to them. I am a freak of nature and you all shouldn't be surprised when next week I start to complain about how my knees ache when it's about to rain and I mention that I might want to move to Miami and live in a retirement community.

And the real kicker is that the nurse from my doctor's office called me to say that the doctor wants me to stop shaving for a month now because that's how long it could take for this to clear up. And when I asked why they thought I had gotten this, she suggested that possibly all of the running caused my immune system to weaken and caused the virus to flair up. Oh, and I should stay away from deodorants with chemicals in them because it could BURN MY SKIN. I hope for the sake of jparks and others that have to smell me that Tom's Hippie deodorant works.

So, to review, I have an old person's disease, have hairy pits that are getting more hairy by the moment, and will be one smelly girl for the next month. If you were thinking I might be cool to hang out with at BlogHer you might want to give that a second thought. I'll just ease the pain of losing the chance to meet people and the pain of my shingles with the Tylenol 3 the doctor prescribed me (yum, codeine!).

please don't let them be spider eggs

Last night I ran my five miles, drank a ton of gatorade, and ate dinner. Then I spent the rest of my night puking. Seriously, WTF people? Didn't I spend a night puking just the other day?

The good news was that I had a pre-existing doctor's appointment this morning. The bad news is that the doctor felt that my puking was the result of bad food from last night. After telling him that I only had salad he suggested that I had probably eaten bug eggs. B.U.G.E.G.G.S. I ate them. They were in my belly. Kill me now.

Why am I the one that always get sick? Why doesn't jparks ever wake up at 3am to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet? Why doesn't he ever eat bug eggs? Life is not fair.

I'm sick

I have food poisoning. This means that when jparks comes home from work I'm going to have him take me out back and put me down, because I do not want to continue on for another second feeling like this. I'm a pretty seasoned puker, but this is unlike anything I have experienced before. My stomach feels like it's tied in knots and even water won't stay put. I think my body has rid itself of anything that was lingering in my intestinal tract from the past ten years. Crap came out that I don't remember ever eating. Delightful, isn't?

Since I haven't moved from my bed all day, except to go to the bathroom, I've been entertaining myself with a Top Chef marathon and google searching "food poisoning". Perhaps looking that up was not the best idea since I've now learned that a common type of food poisoning comes from contamination with feces. Poop! I might have eaten poop! Oh my god, kill me now. In all fairness it could have been caused by some bad meat but my coworker, who had lunch with me yesterday and is also sick today, had beef while I had pork. I'm thinking all signs point to poop!

And to make you all feel extra sorry for me here's a picture:


All together now, "awwww"

picking the impossible

I am feeling a bit under the weather today. Actually I'm feeling worse than under the weather, I'm feeling like I was plowed over by a steamroller that the weather was driving. I even called the doctor to make an appointment but, of course, no appointments were to be had. He phoned in a z pack for me but have yet to take the first pills. If I take the pills then I can't drink at the office party tomorrow night but if I don't take the pills then I might not feel well enough to go to the office party. It's like Sophie's Choice. How can I make this decision? It is IMPOSSIBLE.

And since I'm feeling pretty tired and not quite right, I'll leave you with a list:

This website kills me. Maybe it's because I imagine Tangi and Molly balanced on the edge of the toilet while jparks waits his turn

we booked Lily on our flight back to NOLA for the holidays. If you didn't care about seeing jparks or me before then maybe the promise of Lily will change your mind

do you know how hard it is to find someone to redesign your blog? I contacted a couple of designers and said "Halp! I have the moneys for the paying!" but none of them ever replied. Did I offend them by asking them to redesign my dinky little blog? Can't money buy you everything except love? Why can't it buy me a new blog? grumble.