maybe not flying high

Lately I've been dreading going to trapeze. Dreading it enough that I think I'm going to not renew my card when this one runs out. Somewhere jparks just read that line and let out a "NOOOO!" all dramatic like.

See, I like trampoline and I like aerial acrobatics, but the trapeze is starting to wear on me. I like to improve in things and I'm not improving in it. Jparks says no one cares that I'm still kinda crappy (he was much nicer in his wording), but at each class I feel like my instructor is getting more and more pissed at me for remaining stagnant. Like I've decided to hold back my mad trapeze skillz just to piss her off. I'm not much for criticism, I can handle it if you sandwich it between two compliments, but since I suck she has nothing nice to say and it stings. And this is starting to make me dread going.

I know I can't be the best at everything I try, but I like to think I can at least not totally suck. I was under the impression that if I put in the effort, I'll excel at the task. And dammit, I've been putting in the effort. I do weights, I do cardio, I do crunches, I do squats, what more do I need to do? Where are the mad skillz? WHERE, I ask you.

So, really one of two things need to happen. Either I learn to be tough and take the instructors complaints about my lack of kicks or I say screw it, I'm going to have fun regardless of how well I swing and kick.

Of course, I could take the easy route and tell them I died in a freak trapeze practice accident and maybe my instructor shouldn't have pushed me so hard to achieve perfection. Let the guilt of my death plaque them the way the guilt of my suck-yness plaques me.