I'm having a sort of "woe is me" type day today and you people out there in internetland will just have to suffer through it. Am sorry. But, WOE IS ME.
Some switch was flipped in me last night and I woke up this morning feeling an awful lot of disconnect between how my life is and how I think my life should be. I know it's normal to feel like your life should be more fabulous than it actually is and while I normally say "yes, please more fabulous!" this time it's not that.
It started when, over the weekend, Lily got sick. She seems to have some sort of cold complete with sneezing and spraying jparks' laptop screen with doggie snot which is way cute, but needs to be stopped. I want to take her to the vet, but when do I have time for it? Oh yeah, that's right, I don't. I could take her to the emergency vet after work, but really, for a cold? I don't even want to think about how much that would cost. I went ahead and made her an appointment for tomorrow morning, which yay she's going to get medical treatment, but boo my boss isn't going to be happy when I come in late and then leave early for my doctor appointment that afternoon.
Today I had a hair appointment during lunch. I wanted to get to work on time so I wouldn't feel guilty about taking a long lunch (hair stylist is 45 minutes, round trip away, from my office) but of course, I overslept and was late to work. Now I have to work late to make up the time I was gone, which means that I'll be late getting home, which means that I'll be so hungry when I get home that I'll end up getting take out instead of cooking.
Which brings me right to my next complaint: I am so sick of take out. Since buying our house, jparks and I have been strapped for cash. One thing that would really help us save money is if we cooked at home, but I don't have time for it. I'm sure someone outside of my mind and body could look at my schedule and tell me how I can fit in cooking (hello, crock pot) but right now it seems impossible. This take out thing has been gnawing away at me for some time, but I keep my mouth shut because sometimes the internal gnawing is easier than fixing the problem. Jparks will only eat sit down restaurant take out; fast food is out of the question. And while I see his point, fast food = big ass, I can't help but cringe every time we spend $20 to $40 on dinner. It should not cost this much to feed two people.
Some other little things that I feel like I should have time for but I just don't are: having the carpets cleaned, putting away the laundry (the pile is currently worse than ever before), taking the dog for a walk that lasts more than 5 minutes, watching the three netflix movies that we've had at our house since April, moving the pictures from the sd card to the computer, actually opening Photoshop, going to Costco to buy toilet paper, and, oh my god, so many more.
I am just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by how much time work takes and how little time I have left over for my life. Overwhelmed that I want to have a kidlet, but how am I supposed to do that when I can't even find time to take the dog to the vet? Overwhelmed because I feel like I'm some how mismanaging my time, when I don't honestly think I am. Overwhelmed that I'm not getting to enjoy life, that I'm just trudging through it, working for a prize that I won't ever win.
Right now, I'll pass on the fabulousness if I could just have some success. Something that could confirm that all of this time spent at work isn't pointless. Something that makes the growing pile of laundry worthwhile. Something that tells me I shouldn't just come to work tomorrow and quit. "Hi bosses, I need to turn in my two weeks' notice. The reason? Well, my life, it sucks and I blame you. Also, this job is a joke." And I'll take a small success, even just a week's worth of home cooked meals. Or some clean underwear in my drawer.
I don't need more fabulous, I just need more manageable. Is that an unreasonable request?
Please don't get the wrong idea about jparks. Yes, he could cook, clean, and walk the dog but he works more than me. And if one of us really needs to be focused on work, it's him because he is our family cash cow. Moo, honey, MOO. Also, in a month you'll be all "wasn't she just whining about how her life sucks? I quit this blog!" I apologize now for it. I am lame. Regular broadcasting will return tomorrow.
At least you only whine occasionally... rarely. I whine all the time. ALL the time. So whine away because you can't top me. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are entitled to whine! And you are definitely entitled to more manageable and fabulous. And what better motivation to try to make the manageable/fabulous happen then a bebe?
Poor Lily. I hope her doggy cold gets better soon. And I hope you get better soon too. And by better I mean manageable/fabulous.
PS I love that crock pot blog... I saw it on Rachael Ray and have been checking it ever since.
I also whine all the time and I have enough existential angst to torture an entire AP English class until the end of the semester. So I am unlikely to be any help.
ReplyDeleteI will say that the house tends to become less of an issue after the first year. Not enough to prevent me having a meltdown at the incompetence of my credit union's customer service costing me $27, though, but that could just be me being Scots.
I am also a strong proponent of the "F it" day off, which consists in taking a day off work to donk off some of the nagging stuff in the morning just so you can get a win and taking the afternoon to properly reward oneself for same. Which usually ends up undoing all my financial restraint. However, in my last job, taking a day off only meant that I would have two days worth of S waiting for me the next day. YMMV.
Aw. Laundry piles make me feel like my life has spun out of control, too. I'm totally having the same kind of FAIL WHALE day, right down to the wishing I didn't spend so much on takeout and wondering how I'm supposed to both *work* and have a meaningful life. Or any life at all, really.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow? Better.
Whining is A-OK. If we can't bitch a little every now and then, how are we supposed to let things out. Sometimes it really helps to get it out in writing or in a conversation. I usually come up with better solutions when I do. Well, sometimes atleast.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel guilty about anything. That's what I've learned lately as I go through the same exact thing. I realized guilt was getting me down, whenever I too go for take out, or feel bad for not liking my work. It is what it is and we have to be okay with feeling how we feel, right?
As a follow potential job quitter and dream chaser, here's a big ol' e-hug.
Whine away, Girlie! We all deserve to host our own little pity party from time to time. You're human, and we can't all be Ms. Suzy Sunshine 24/7. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI am the QUEEN of the Whine and you have every right to whine for a bit. You're fab, I KNOW, because I MET YOU! And, I know it will be okay. Also? Martha Stewart Everyday Food? Great Magazine with cheap and easy recipes - if you let me know what you like, I'll send you some recipes from there ;)
ReplyDeletepoor Lily! I hope she's feeling better soon, 'cause her and Chachi have so much playing to do!
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be funny if your bosses saw your blog and you got Dooced? Then we can have lots of long lunches!
(now I'm wondering if I should send them link... hee hee... okay I wouldn't.)
see...you'll have MORE time once you have a new baby because you won't be sleeping anymore ;)
ReplyDeleteYuck, I hate when my life gets in the fail whale category (which it dips into too often nowadays). Whine away, we all do it and it makes us feel better - plus it is always nice to know that you aren't the only one with fail whale days or weeks. I wish I could think of a suggestion to get your life back on the shiny happy path. I have heard that running marathons are fun - have you ever though about that? Or, you could make a contest on your blog where people have to write up a Here is Regan's New and Organized Life. Whoever can figure out a way for you to fold laundry, cook dinner at home, walk the dog and still have a life wins a fun and uniquely Regan prize. OR, or you could come visit New Orleans!? Good Luck with your week.
ReplyDeleteWhine all you want - I'll do it with you!!! I haven't put clothes away in over three months- they keep getting piled places after someone washes them (not me, because I have 0 energy). It was like, I got my diagnosis and I reverted to not being able to do anything functional for myself. I definitely think you should just forget about everything and come to New Orleans - it will make everything better and you can come visit me and be like, man, at least my life doesn't suck like hers does right now (it doesn't really suck, per say, but you know what I mean)!
ReplyDeleteI'm extra whiny right now too. Like I have shit to whine about. AM BIG FAT BABY.
ReplyDeleteThis? Is exactly how I feel! To the tee. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day and I just can't get everything done. And sadly, the toilet is suffering because it hasn't been cleaned in a long time. I just can't get to it! And when I think about it, I have a panic attack because I HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO DO LIKE FINDING A JOB!
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT lame. Hope you are feeling more positive tomorrow and the thing with jparks's mole is nothing. That is all.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are cramming an awful lot of living into your days! And for that, I commend you! Recommendations: send your clothes out to a wash & fold; get meals from one of those places where it's basically homemade and you just heat it up (Kathy does this so she'll know of a place or two); and give yourself a break if you have to miss work every once in a while to deal with your life! I (literally) almost killed myself last year because I was so sick and needed to go to the doctor but was afraid my boss would get mad because I was missing work. Turns out I should have gone to the doc earlier. So don't stress on missing work because you have to take your dog or yourself to the doctor! Or just hire a personal assistant / cook / housekeeper to run all your errands and do your laundry for you so you can work longer hours :-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, Sous Kitchen and Deeelish. Much better and slightly cheaper than take-out. Deeelish is in Menlo Park and Sous Kitchen is in San Carlos; don't know if there's one down by you... But Deeelish might deliver to Jason at work...
ReplyDelete