tambourine player looking for a band

I've recently decided that I need to play tambourine with a band and I'm going to need to do this soon. So if you're a band looking for a tambourine player here's a list of reasons I might be just the right person:

1. I will provide my own tambourine. And as I don't currently own one, you can pick one out for me in whatever style you think best fits the band's image (do tambourines come in different designs?)

2. I've been watching studying other tambourine players and it seems that it's good form to hit your tambourine against your hip. Well, potential band mates, let me say I've got plenty of hip to hit a tambourine against. This means there will never be a chance that I'll miss my hip and have a silent tambourine. No, my hips can keep the music flowing.

3. I like good music. I also like some crap music, but it's good crap music.

4. I have no musical talent (other than rocking the tambourine HARD). This means I won't ever try to take the band in a new direction or ask to write songs. I'm totally neutral, so long as I can shake my tambourine.

5. I don't want to sing backup vocals, but if you insist on me doing it I'm willing to take voice lessons.

6. Maybe you're not sure you need a tambourine player all the time, well I don't mind only playing one show. Don't get me wrong, I could go on the road with you, but I'm cool only playing one show.

7. I've watched Almost Famous more times that I can remember. That's got to count for something.

8. I rock.

So, who wants me to join their band?